Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21
Ephesians 6:4 says “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” NAS
The word translated “discipline” in the NAS is also translated “discipline” in the ESV, while in the KJV it is translated “nurture,” all coming from the same Greek word, “paideuo” which means “to train children, to chasten, to correct; the rearing of a child by training and discipline.”
The word translated “instruction” in the NAS is also translated “instruction” in the ESV and in the KJV as “admonition,” all coming from the Greek word “nouthesia” meaning “to admonish, to exhort, to instruct.” The word “nouthesia” comes from two Greek words, the first being “nous” which speaks to “the mind, understanding, reason” and the word “tithe” meaning “to place, to lay, to set so as to put into.” This same root word is translated “admonish” in Colossians 1:28 when Paul speaks of “…admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ.”
The act of instructing or admonishing as used in these verses is a command to be putting the truth of the principles of God’s Holy word into the minds of your children from their birth until they leave your home. In Colossians 1:28 Paul’s meaning is exactly the same except here it has to do with the ongoing discipleship of fellow believers.
The following instruction speaks to one specific duty, clearly established in scripture, that is foundational to the faithful fulfillment of the duties required of Christian parents and is excerpted from message 1 of 40 on “How Not To Foul Up Parenting” by Albert N. Martin, Trinity Presbyterian Church, Montville, NJ. The complete series can be accessed at SermonAudio.com.
The duty of which Pastor Martin speaks is a duty that, due to the lies of secular humanistic educators and psychologists, reinforced by liberal and compromising evangelical preachers, began to be noticeably rejected by professing believers in the late 70’s until, today, in 2023, it has been virtually discarded in many, if not most, professing Christian homes — namely the regular application of the rod as God’s clearly stated method of punishment for unacceptable behavior by a child.
The above statement is based on my own observations drawn from a career in public, secular private, and private Christian education that spanned 25 years (1964-1989) followed by what now is 34 years of ministry as a Biblical nouthetic counselor (1989-2023). The word “nouthetic” is the Greek word translated “admonish” in Colossians 1:28 and means “to put into the mind,” in this case as stated by Paul, the truth of God’s Holy word as the only source of truth and the only standard by which the children of God are to think and act in daily living — in other words, New Testament discipleship.
The following distinction is offered along with an explanation. In order not to be placed in the camp of Christian counselors who identify themselves as Christian integrationist counselors, the following distinction is offered:
Christian integrationist counselors, as testified to in their writings and by their approach to counseling, do not believe in the sole authority of scripture (Psalm 19; 119; II Timothy 3:16-17; II Peter 1:17-21) nor in its sufficiency to speak to the issues of modern life in the 21st century. A commonly made statement in integrationist circles is: “I believe the Bible is totally God’s word but I don’t believe it is sufficient to address the complex issues of life in this modern era.”
Due to such unbelief, the Christian integrationist counselor inherently embraces the many subjective, always-in-flux, lies and ensuing deceptions of humanistic, atheistic psychology and attempts to marry this false system with the Holy word of God (Colossians 2:8; II Corinthians 10:3-5; Proverbs 30:5-6; Revelation 22:18). In most cases, if not all, they give token acknowledgement to scripture while clearly emphasizing the flawed, erroneous theories of humanistic psychology.
Someone might suggest that as long as scripture is included that should override any of the problems created by including false, deceiving psychological theories. In an effort to reveal how flawed such thinking is, consider this illustration from the empirical laws of science, in this case, the discipline of chemistry. In chemistry there are “compositions.” By definition, a “composition” is a substance produced when two substances of different nature are combined, the combination of which produces an entirely different third substance. Inherent in the creation of this new composition are two facts: 1) the nature of the first substance has been completely changed by the addition of the second substance and 2) the change made by this combination is irrevocable.
To apply this process to any attempt to marry Biblical truth with atheistic, humanistic psychology in Christian integrationist counseling, one must ignore passages such as II Corinthians 6:14-17; 10: 3-5; Colossians 2:8; II Timothy 3:16-17; Psalm 19; 119; Proverbs 30:5-6; Isaiah 55:8; 66:1-2; Revelation 22:18. To do so produces the same result in the realm of truth and spiritual matters pertaining to the Christian life, as doing so in the science of chemistry.
To add psychology to God’s Holy word will irrevocably change the nature of God’s Holy word by contaminating it with the lie, causing it to no longer be pure, all-sufficient truth. Hopefully the following will serve to clarify the point. If one drop of arsenic is added to an 8-ounce glass of pure water, even though that one drop will not cause death, that one drop immediately contaminates the entire 8 ounces. Because the effect of arsenic is cumulative, additional drops can be progressively added, one day at a time with no evident effect. However, the day will come when to add one more drop will bring death. So is it with the effect of adding the “…philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ” (Colossians 2:8) to God’s Holy word. It ceases to be pure and the one guilty of doing so will, according to God’s word, ultimately be proven to be a liar (Proverbs 30:5-6; Revelation 22:18).
To put it another way, it is impossible to add anything to God’s Holy word and not, in turn, forever negate the power and truth of His word. Why? Because God clearly states such in His word when He declares, “I am the Lord, that is My name; I will not give My glory to another, nor My praise to graven images” (Isaiah 42:8). Consider further, if you will, Psalm 19; 119; Isaiah 40: 5-8; 43:10-13; 55:8, 9-13; 66:1-2, all of which speak to the immutable, Sovereign word of God as inspired by the Holy Spirit and recorded in the Holy Bible.
Now, to continue with Pastor Martin’s teaching relating to the specific duty of Christian parents to spank their children as instructed by God, he offers two presuppositions.
Presupposition #1 — The fundamental duty of Christian parents (in actuality, all parents, JGW) is clearly laid out in Colossians 3:17; Ephesians 6:4 (Deuteronomy 11:18-21, JGW).
Presupposition #2 — Presupposition #1 requires, based on the wording of Ephesians 6:4, the righteous use of spanking combined with clear, authoritative, verbal correction and direction (pointing out wrong, unacceptable behavior/attitudes, correcting it with instruction in the Biblically correct behavior/attitude according to the pattern of II Timothy 3:16-17).
Contrary to the erroneous mindset of the government and society, the loving, proper, authoritative use of spanking in the rearing of children is not, in any way, abusive. In order to expose this flawed, sinful thinking, Pastor Martin offers the following, as he states it, “…working definition of child abuse as revealed in scripture…” As revealed within the context of the principles of Godly parenting recorded in scripture, Pastor Martin defines real child abuse as:
A sustained pattern of exasperating a child or provoking a child to anger by the sustained neglect of those means ordained for the child’s nurture (the content of Ephesians 6:4), or an aggravated act of inflicting permanent damage to the body or the spirit of the child.
Biblically defined child abuse has to do with sustained, ongoing, unrelenting behavior as described in the above definition. It is not about a one-time, in-the-moment response that the parent repents of, asking for God’s forgiveness (I John 1:9) as well as that of the child (Matthew 5:23-24), and then going forward in renewed commitment to respond in righteousness (Philippians 3:13-14).
Godly parenting requires the righteous use of spanking accompanied by clear authoritative verbal rebuke, correction, and instruction in consistent, regular obedience.
The following two studies are offered for further encouragement and instruction from God’s word concerning the commands pertaining to the faithful fulfillment of Ephesians 6:4.
The Biblical Mandate For Corporal Punishment As A Necessary Ingredient In the Proper Loving Discipline and Training of Children As Recorded in Proverbs
Discipline: 1:7; 3:11-12; 5:11-14; 10:17; 12:1; 13:18,.24; 15:5; 19:18; 22:15; 29:15,17
Cheating: 20:17,21; 21:6; 10:2
Rebellion: 16:25; 17:11; 19:3,16; 21:4; 29:1; 30:17
Correction: 9:7-12; 10:17,23; 12:1,15; 13:1,10,13,18; 15:5,10,12,31,32; 19:20; 20:30; 23:13-14; 25:12; 29:15; 14:12; 19:18
Warning: First warning – 10:8,13,14; 12:13; 14:3; After first warning – 10:17,19; 15:2,14; 18:2,6,7; 17:28; 30:32
Repentance: 14:9; 28:13
Obedience/obeying: 14:23; 18:9; 19:8; 20:15; 21:5; 23:23; 28:19
Daydreaming – 12:11,24; 6:6-11
Cramming – 20:21
Leadership/Follow-ship: 14:28; 25:2; 28: 16a
Respect for property: 12:27b
Obeying/following rules: 28:9; 29:18b
Reliability/Dependability (Trustworthiness): 10:26;13:17; 25:13
Acting wisely/seeking wise counsel: 12:9; 16:18; 19:2; 20:18; 28:26
Motivation: 16:2; 17:3; 20:27; 21:2,27; 27:2
Wise behavior: 10:23; 28:6,18; 29:6,11,22
Getting along with others: 3:27,28,30; 11:12,13,17,25; 12:16,18,20,23,25; 13:3,10; 14:16,17; 15:1,18,30; 16:1,7,24,28; 17:5,9,14,17a,19,27; 18:13,19; 19:11; 20:3; 24:17,18,29; 26:17,20; 29:8,11
Wise choosing of friends: 12:26a; 13:20; 14:7,17,21; 18:24; 20:19; 22:11,24-25; 24:1-2; 29:24
Control of the tongue: 10:11,13,14,19,20,21; 11:9a,12-13; 12:6,13, 14,18,25; 13:2a,3; 14:3; 15:1,2,7; 16:10,23-24; 17:4,5,27,28; 18:4,6,7,8,21; 20:15-19; 21:23; 22:11; 23:15-16; 24:29; 25:9-11,15, 23; 26:20,22; 27:2,14; 29:5,20; 30:32
Language: 4:24; 10:11,31-32; 12:13a; 19:1
Lying: 6:16-17; 10:18; 11:3; 12:13a,17(Ex. 20:16),19,22; 14:5,25; 15:4; 16:13; 17:4,7,20; 19:5,9,22b; 21:6,28; 24:26,28; 25:18; 26:18-19,28; 28:13; 29:12; 30:7-8
Especially for girls/women: 9:13; 11:16a, 22; 12:4; 14:1; 15:1,17; 17:1; 19:13b,14; 21:9, 19; 24:3-4; 25:24; 27:15-16; 31:10-31
What God hates: 6:16-19; 11:20; 15:8-9; 16:5; 17:15; 20:10,23
Why study Proverbs: 1:1-7 (to know and obey the will of God as revealed in His word)
The results of NOT studying and obeying Proverbs: 1:25-33
The benefit OF studying and obeying Proverbs: 3:3-26
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Training Children in Preparation for Godliness
Proverbs 22:6
It is eternally more significant that, as a parent, you teach and require your children to respect you and obey you (Ephesians 6:1; Exodus 20:12), than it is that you constantly be filling their heads with scripture and Biblical principles that in many, if not most, instances are completely beyond their present level of ability to comprehend (based on their age and maturity). What you end up producing are frustrated, insecure children, overloaded with adult information that they cannot correctly understand and apply. Therefore, they are prone to become assertive, demanding, disrespectful, and disobedient because, being expected to comprehend like an adult, they begin to think of themselves as adults, thus entitled to the privileges of such. Herein is the soil for tremendous frustration and insecurity born out of a child’s inability to properly understand and apply information that they are not ready for and do not need.
I say this because, if children amass volumes of knowledge about truth but do not understand and practice the principles of respect for authority (at this age, primarily dad and mom) and obedience to that authority without question, then the knowledge they may possess is not rightly affecting their behavior. It is eternally significant to understand as parents that possession of knowledge is not synonymous with right understanding, practical application, nor maturity.
To put it another way, if your 5-to-11 year old can quote more scripture than most adults and give correct answers to specific questions you or the Sunday School teacher asks but they obviously do not, of their own accord, respond to your authority in an obedient, pleasant, willingly compliant manner, without ongoing reminders from you, then they obviously do not understand the principles of respectful obedience — even though they are able to give “right” answers.
To state it yet one more way, if you have to tell your children repeatedly to do anything, often times having to get “stern” before you get the right and desired response, then be honest about the fact that they are not obeying you. Obedience on their terms is disobedience and manifests a heart of rebellion against your authority.
Teach and require respect and obedience, generally, without question, if you want to have a secure child. It should go without saying that children should never be deprived of the freedom to ask questions as long as they do so in a respectful, honoring way. This assumes that you are teaching and establishing rules of conduct and speech based on the truth of God’s word (II Timothy 3:14-17; Psalm 19:7-11; 119:9). In doing this you prepare and equip your children to comprehend the principles of God’s truth with understanding as God opens their minds to do so (Acts 16:14). As they mature developmentally and come to a saving knowledge of Christ, it will be practically evident in their day-to-day conduct and responses to you as their parents, as well as to those with whom they interact outside the home. Herein is the meaning and intent of the training spoken of in Proverbs 22:6.
As a parent, recognize that teaching (giving instruction) without training (requiring compliance with and obedience to that which is taught) is an exercise in futility destined for failure before it starts, for you and your child. The unavoidable result will be frustration for you and your child, as evidenced by insecurity, to one degree or another, as he or she grows and matures. Failure to see and recognize this is one way a father, and mother secondarily, can be provoking their children to anger. God’s word is not unclear — Ephesians 6:1-4. To “…bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” is to begin to teach them at an early age (6 months) to obey. What you require should be obedience as determined by the principles of God’s word. Your children should be lovingly, but firmly expected and made to obey — period, with or without understanding (Proverbs 3:4-6 is the fundamental principle involved here.)