Preparing children for Godliness – Pro 22:6:
Training Children in Preparation for Godliness
Proverbs 22:6; Deuteronomy 11:18-21; Ephesians 6:1-4
It is eternally more significant that, as a parent, you teach and require your children to respect you and obey you (Ephesians 6:1; Exodus 20:12), than it is that you constantly be filling their heads with scripture and Biblical principles that in many, if not most, instances are completely beyond their present level of ability to cognitively comprehend (based on their age and maturity). What you most often find yourself having done is producing a frustrated, insecure child, overloaded with adult information that they cannot correctly understand and apply. Therefore, they are prone to become assertive, demanding, disrespectful, and disobedient, because, being expected to comprehend as an adult, they begin to expect the privileges and liberties ascribed to adults, thus being entitled to all things adult. Herein is the soil for tremendous frustration and insecurity born out of the child’s inability to properly understand and apply information that they are not ready for and do not need.
I say this because, if children amass volumes of knowledge about truth but do not understand and practice the principles of respect for authority (at this age, primarily dad and mom) and obedience to that authority without question, then the knowledge they may possess is not rightly affecting their behavior. It is eternally significant to understand as parents that the possession of knowledge is not synonymous with right understanding, practical application, nor maturity.
To put it another way, if your 5-to-11 year old can quote more scripture than most adults and give correct answers to specific questions you or the Sunday School teacher asks but they obviously do not, of their own accord, respond to your authority in an obedient, pleasant, willingly compliant manner, without ongoing reminders from you, then they obviously do not understand the principles of respectful obedience — even though they are able to give “right” answers (or they are choosing to willfully disobey).
To state it yet another way, if you have to tell your children repeatedly to do anything, often times having to get “stern” before you get the right and desired response, then be honest about the fact that they are not obeying you. Obedience on their terms is disobedience and manifests a heart of rebellion against your authority.
Teach and require respect and obedience, generally, without question, if you want to have a secure child. It should go without saying that children should never be deprived of the freedom to ask questions as long as they do so in a respectful, polite, honoring way. This assumes that you are teaching and establishing rules of conduct and speech based on the truth of God’s word (II Timothy 3:14-17; Psalm 19:7-11; 119:9; Ephesians 6:1). In doing this you prepare and equip your children to comprehend the principles of God’s truth with understanding as He opens their minds to do so (Acts 16:14). As they mature developmentally and, as God grants, come to a saving knowledge of Christ, it will be practically evident in their day to day conduct and responses (Acts 26:20; Jn 14:15, 21,23) to you as their parents as well as those with whom they interact outside the home. Herein is the meaning and intent of the training spoken of in Proverbs 22:6.
As a parent, recognize that teaching (giving instruction) without training (requiring compliance with and obedience of that which is taught) is an exercise in futility destined for failure before it starts, for you and your child. The unavoidable result will be frustration for you and your child, as evidenced by insecurity, to one degree or another, as he or she grows and matures. Failure to see and recognize this is one way a father, and mother secondarily, can be provoking their children to anger. God’s word is not unclear — Ephesians 6:1-4. To “. . . bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” is to begin to teach and train them at an early age (6 months) to obey. What you require should be obedience as determined by the principles of God’s word and your understanding of it, whether they understand or not. Your children should be lovingly, but firmly expected and made to obey — period, with or without understanding (Proverbs 3:4-6 is the principle involved here.)